Life is too nuanced to engage in black and white thinking. And those who do typically jump to the most extreme and erroneous conclusions.
It drives me crazy. We all know people like this, and it's especially draining to deal with if they are in your family. You try to have a meaningful conversation on holidays, and they say abrasive things. Or there are passive aggressive comments taking little digs at your preferences and hobbies. If you have an emotionally immature relative, it can be very hurful. Most of the time these people are totally oblivious as to how they are coming across, so if you actually do get the courage to speak up and say, hey that's really disrespectful, don't talk to me like that, they get really defensive and blame you. They have absolutely no self awareness, and so everything you say about it seems to be coming out of left field. Everything that is so blindingly obvious to everyone else about the glaring rudeness.
The root cause of this behaviour, in this instance, with who I'm dealing with, seems to be obsessive compulsive personality disorder mixed with an arrogant and controlling nature. I know everyone has to deal with things like this in their adult life, as we mature and gather more life experience, we start to notice things that aren't right and come to see certain relatives for how they really are. If you like pyschology and doing the detective work to see why people are the way that they are, it can be of help. If I understand the why of something, it helps me to not take it personally. But it doesn't make it any easier when you have to spend time with them. It's a very empty feeling that seems so very unnecessary. If they were nice to you when you were little, why the hell can't they be nice to you once you are an adult? And why should I have to be asking such an inane question.
Upon leaving I sat in the church garden and finally felt that peace that I associate with Christmas. It was instant. And I am thankful.
It drives me crazy. We all know people like this, and it's especially draining to deal with if they are in your family. You try to have a meaningful conversation on holidays, and they say abrasive things. Or there are passive aggressive comments taking little digs at your preferences and hobbies. If you have an emotionally immature relative, it can be very hurful. Most of the time these people are totally oblivious as to how they are coming across, so if you actually do get the courage to speak up and say, hey that's really disrespectful, don't talk to me like that, they get really defensive and blame you. They have absolutely no self awareness, and so everything you say about it seems to be coming out of left field. Everything that is so blindingly obvious to everyone else about the glaring rudeness.
The root cause of this behaviour, in this instance, with who I'm dealing with, seems to be obsessive compulsive personality disorder mixed with an arrogant and controlling nature. I know everyone has to deal with things like this in their adult life, as we mature and gather more life experience, we start to notice things that aren't right and come to see certain relatives for how they really are. If you like pyschology and doing the detective work to see why people are the way that they are, it can be of help. If I understand the why of something, it helps me to not take it personally. But it doesn't make it any easier when you have to spend time with them. It's a very empty feeling that seems so very unnecessary. If they were nice to you when you were little, why the hell can't they be nice to you once you are an adult? And why should I have to be asking such an inane question.
Upon leaving I sat in the church garden and finally felt that peace that I associate with Christmas. It was instant. And I am thankful.
