The full complicated story.

Perhaps not so complicated?

My wifes mum offered to pay for us to go to Australia later in the year for whatever reason - I'm still not sure why the sudden generosity...? So I said we can't afford to go because we would still have to stump up for Hotel bills and food and stuff as she was only going to pay for flights.

My mum then said she would pay for the hotels for us. (OK I know we are spoiled...) But we are lucky!

Then my wife decided she would like to go to Aus on her own, leave me behind.... I reminded her that she would have no hotel money - can't expect my Mum to pay for her hotels! She said she would get that from her Dad! No problem. I am only half sure I understand why she made this suggestion, but she seems sure it is what she wants. It is very unlike her though?

So I thought, well, what can I get out of this situation? And the obvious thing was the Morrissey tour in the States. Talked it over with Mum and she said in a round about way, that she would be happy for me to spend her portion of the "Australia" money on the trip to Florida. All sorted then isn't it?

But is it?

1) I am almost 40, unemployed and short of cash.
2) Although my parents can afford to give me money I don't like taking it from them for fun trips when I might need to borrow to pay the mortgage in a few months if I still don't have a job.
3) I have always wanted to go to Australia, since I was a child.

My wife has not said I can't go with her, or that she would rather go on her own, but she seems dissapointed that I can't make a decission (Or have not yet made one) on what to do. I think she is realy excited about the idea of having her own little adventure without me. I think she would be dissapointed if I decided to go with her.

I am also excited about having my own little adventure in Florida, and getting to see probably 3 Morrissey concerts. But I feel silly trying to book it in between the job hunting! I know we will be OK with the money, but it just seems wrong!

I have to decide today what to do. I'm probably going to feel bad for a while whatever I decide. In my heart I feel I should...... (And that is the problem. I don't know what the feeling is, I just have a feeling, and it is not comfortable!)

I know you can't all decide for me, but your opinions are valued here!

Cheers

Bassist-In-A-Tutu said:

Then my wife decided she would like to go to Aus on her own, leave me behind.... I reminded her that she would have no hotel money - can't expect my Mum to pay for her hotels! She said she would get that from her Dad! No problem. I am only half sure I understand why she made this suggestion, but she seems sure it is what she wants. It is very unlike her though?

[...]

My wife has not said I can't go with her, or that she would rather go on her own, but she seems dissapointed that I can't make a decission (Or have not yet made one) on what to do. I think she is realy excited about the idea of having her own little adventure without me. I think she would be dissapointed if I decided to go with her.

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why do you think your wife doesn't want you to go to australia with her? it's difficult to offer an opinion without knowing more about the context of all of this (which you probably wouldn't want to give).

I think the main thing, to think about is getting a job, and then you two can go to Australia together.

Going to morrissey in the USA would in my mind be a selfish thing to do when you haven't got the money. As the money you could borrow for that could be spent on your wife's trip to see her mother. As i think seeing Morrissey is a luxary and not that important, especially when it's half way across the world and your unemployed.

Let your wife get the money from her parents, to see her mother. Then at a later date when you have the cash, go together.

the more you explore me! said:

I think the main thing, to think about is getting a job, and then you two can go to Australia together.

Going to morrissey in the USA would in my mind be a selfish thing to do when you haven't got the money. As the money you could borrow for that could be spent on your wife's trip to see her mother. As i think seeing Morrissey is a luxary and not that important, especially when it's half way across the world and your unemployed.

Let your wife get the money from her parents, to see her mother. Then at a later date when you have the cash, go together.

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aaaaaaahhhhhhhh, i didn't realise the mr. bassist's mother-in-law was in australia. now, i understand. i tend to agree with you, sir.

travelling to the u.s.a. to see mr. morrissey seems a bit excessive, to me, in the circs.

Bassist-In-A-Tutu said:

I think she would be dissapointed if I decided to go with her.

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Don't think, ask her!

It would be great if you went there together, in my opinion. Even if her mother really is in Australia, and especially if she isn't

No no no - Her mother is not in Australia - She has just offered us money to travel to Aus for a holiday, her mum lives about an hours drive from here. In the UK. She can see her whenever she wants to!

The issue is that I know she would like to go to Aus. on her own - she has told me so! She also said she won't stop me going with her if that is what I want. Sounds like that would be her second choice though.

So my first choice to make was if I was happy to let her go on her own, to Aus, without me. How do I feel about this? Am I happy for her to go off on her own? Would I be jelous? Would sh be safe... etc?

Then, if I was happy with that, could I get something out of the deal, like a trip to FL. How would I finance that? You know, if she has decided we are having seperate holidays this year, where should I go? And of course I thought of Morrissey.....

Bad timing, that's the thing. If I had a job I'd have booked the tickets by now!

I suppose I a m still a bit upset she wan't to go on holiday without me. But I'm not sure I could enjoy FL to the full if I am worried about money, and stressed about work!

Arghhh..

sorry about the misunderstanding about the mum!

You should really ask your wife why she wants to go on her own, sit down with her and have a chat or go out and do it.Tell her your concerns about her going away on her own.

But i do think you should sort out a job first, before either of you go away.

Bassist-In-A-Tutu said:

The issue is that I know she would like to go to Aus. on her own - she has told me so! She also said she won't stop me going with her if that is what I want. Sounds like that would be her second choice though.

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are you absolutely sure your wife doesn't want you to go to australia with her? maybe i've missed something, here (and, if so, please forgive my cynicism), but if your wife is saying, quite calmly, that she doesn't want you to go on a trip to the other side of the world with her (simply because your presence would make the trip less enjoyable, for her), then, the issue of a trip to see mr. morrissey poncing about on a stage is pretty low priority, right now.

(forgive me if i've got the wrong end of the stick, here, sir)

HIM said:

.....if your wife is saying, quite calmly, that she doesn't want you to go on a trip to the other side of the world with her (simply because your presence would make the trip less enjoyable, for her), then, the issue of a trip to see mr. morrissey poncing about on a stage is pretty low priority, right now.

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And I thought it was just Morrissey who had a nack of pointing out the real issue which has been hiding (Or hidden) at the back of your mind! Perhaps seeing Mr Morrissey is a balm for those ugly feelings I'm not letting myself feel?

Better to mediacte than solve the problem though, is it not? Oh, you think not.....? Hmmmmmm (So do I) I don't feel very brave though!

See why this is so difficult for me?

Any one know if He will evr play in the UK again? Like EVER!?!?!?

Write to 'Ask Deadrie' at The Sun or whatever paper it is, see what she says...
Cant you ask the wife to go to see Morrissey!

Jukebox Jury

Jukebox Jury said:

Write to 'Ask Deadrie' at The Sun or whatever paper it is, see what she says...
Cant you ask the wife to go to see Morrissey!

Jukebox Jury

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Look, both of these things sound like trips of a lifetime. I think you need to follow your heart, as long as your wife is really going to be happy either way: you know we women sometimes say we don't want you to do things when we do really, but we want you to work it out yourselves. I does sound like you've both had a rough time recently, maybe a holiday together would be a fresh start? I don't like to pry, tell me to shut up if I'm wrong, but (I'll just dust off my book of cleches) life is so, so short, you might not get the chance to do either of these things again. Trust me, a friend of mine had actually always wanted to go to America and also to see a friend in Australia, but she decided to wait until her kids were a bit older, and long story short, she's never going to get to do either now.

And whatever you do, good luck and I am well jelous!

hatfull said:

you know we women sometimes say we don't want you to do things when we do really

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Hhhhhmmmmm

Jukebox Jury

Jukebox Jury said:

Hhhhhmmmmm

Jukebox Jury

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Just ask my husband!

Bassist-In-A-Tutu said:

And I thought it was just Morrissey who had a nack of pointing out the real issue which has been hiding (Or hidden) at the back of your mind! Perhaps seeing Mr Morrissey is a balm for those ugly feelings I'm not letting myself feel?

Better to mediacte than solve the problem though, is it not? Oh, you think not.....? Hmmmmmm (So do I) I don't feel very brave though!

See why this is so difficult for me?

Any one know if He will evr play in the UK again? Like EVER!?!?!?

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i understand what you mean, sir, about the 'balm' thing, but it sounds as though you're uncertain about exactly what is going in your wife's head. perhaps she is, too, though, and possibly, if you bog off to america, to see morrissey, that might make things a bit clearer for her - and not in a good way. again, i'm wondering, would she really rather go to australia, on her own? if so, then you need to talk to her about why that is what she wants. the longer it remains unresolved, the longer (and more) it's going to fester.

clearly, strangers on a website, devoted to a pop star (and remember that, ultimately, that's all He is) probably aren't gonna be able to advise you (well) about your predicament 'cause they don't know you or your wife. to state the blindingly obvious and, although it's no comfort to you, sooner or later, you're gonna have to talk to your wife about this and about your concerns about her motivation to go away, alone (if that really is her preference).

(sorry if my last response was a bit 'unvarnished', i don't mean to seem rude, or harsh, or whatever: you seem like a genuinely decent bloke. i hope things will work out for you and your wife.)

hatfull said:

Just ask my husband!

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god, how long do you think the poor bloke's got?

HIM said:

god, how long do you think the poor bloke's got?

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Oi! You arn't meant to agree! (see what I mean?) It's not my fault you don't realise 'No, of course I don't mind if you invite Dave round to discuss beards, I'll just make some banoffee shortbread and make the spare bed up' means 'if you invite the entire forum round to discuss beards and go out on the lash and leave me at home, you will be sleeping in the cat's bed for a very long time.' I thought it was obvious!

Hello by the way xxx

Thank you all for your kind words.

Don't wory abour "varnishing" your words. I need to hear your real opinions!

I think we are both feeling a bit let down and dissapointed because this morning we talked again, and decided the 'sensible' thing to do would be to stick to the origional plan and go to Aus together.

We need to talk further, but she is not in the mood for that today.

I just feel wierd now. Ho hum....

I'll write more later....

Bassist-In-A-Tutu said:

Thank you all for your kind words.

Don't wory abour "varnishing" your words. I need to hear your real opinions!

I think we are both feeling a bit let down and dissapointed because this morning we talked again, and decided the 'sensible' thing to do would be to stick to the origional plan and go to Aus together.

We need to talk further, but she is not in the mood for that today.

I just feel wierd now. Ho hum....

I'll write more later....

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Good luck!

hatfull said:

Hello by the way xxx

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hullo darling xxx

Bassist-In-A-Tutu said:

Thank you all for your kind words.

Don't wory abour "varnishing" your words. I need to hear your real opinions!

I think we are both feeling a bit let down and dissapointed because this morning we talked again, and decided the 'sensible' thing to do would be to stick to the origional plan and go to Aus together.

We need to talk further, but she is not in the mood for that today.

I just feel wierd now. Ho hum....

I'll write more later....

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do plenty of talking, sir. don't suppose you'll have to make any immediate plans to go to australia, together or otherwise, so you'll have plenty of time to talk things through. it is a shame about the trip to america falling through, but he'll probably release a good album next year, or whenever, and you'll be able to go and see him somewhere closer to home (and with your wife). i hope it goes well.