Chorus: Boz

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
It's not so bad..

1st Chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background
2nd Chorus: full volume with beat right after "thunder" noise

[Morrissey as 'Suzanne']
Dear Moz, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or something
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up man? How's your mother?
I’m pregnant so, I'm bout to be a mother
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Sandie
I read about your boyfriend Jake too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some guy who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Street
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Siouxie too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Suzanne

{Chorus: Boz}

[Morrissey as 'Suzanne']
Dear Moz, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little son man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
fourteen hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My boyfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But he don't know you like I know you Moz, no one does
He don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Suzanne -- P.S.
We should be together too

{Chorus: Boz}

[Morrissey as 'Suzanne']
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Moz, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall
I love you Moz, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Moz; {*screaming*} Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my boyfriend screamin in the trunk
but I didn't slit his throat, I just tied him up, see I ain't like you
cause if she suffocates he'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out?
{*car tires squeal*} {*CRASH*}
.. {*brief silence*} .. {*LOUD splash*}

{Chorus: Boz}

[Morrissey]
Dear Suzanne, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your pregnant now, how far along are you?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
and here's an autograph for your son,
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg,
c'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some issues Suzanne, I think you need some counseling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your boyfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to treat him better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Suzanne
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some chick was drunk and drove her car over a bridge
and she had her boyfriend in the trunk, and they was pregnant with their kid
and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Damn!

i wait nearly two weeks and all i get is some lame Slim Shady rip off?

c'mon. if you want to boast "there's more where this came from" you ought to have something that would cause someone to actually anticipate that there is a part II.

i mean, my going over a cliff does mean that it is open for a sequel.

ah, here we go.

Dear Morrissey.

Don't worry about reports of my death. Forget i wrote that last letter. i mean, i did go over a cliff, but it wasn't as bad as to be expected.

Just as i was going down the side of the hill, looking at my immediate death, who should wander in but the Vampire Le Stat. didn't recognize him at first because he looked like a bat. he said, "ooh you got a nice pair on ya" and i said, "yeah and too bad morrissey doesn't notice" and he said, "the bitch goes for Ding Dongs, not Ho Hos!" and i said, "yeah, i'm starting to notice".

And right at that moment, halfway through my Wylie Coyote free fall, he takes a bite, and even though my car exploded on impact, i came out only with singed split ends. Can you imagine that? Not only did i survive, but it saved me a trip to the salon.

Now that i can turn into a bat, i can finally go and see all of your shows. And i don't have to cut in line and i can actually see the stage hanging from the rafters so i rob nobody of a seat. Don't worry, i can only maintain minimum safe distance. That is, unless Alain gets rid of that persistant Garlic smell. The old myth is true i'm afraid.
anyhow i wish you all the best.

ss

OK, so you don't have Mindy around to pick on anymore, so you have to pick on Suzanne?

Yawn.